Ch. 1-Don't Sweat the Small Stuff
I usually let the “small stuff” get to me all the time because I’m a perfectionist, I’m an achiever, I want to be everywhere at once but that can’t always happen. I want to be physically and emotionally there for all of my obligations but that is also just not realistic. So when I can’t always be available, that’s the “small stuff” that gets to me because I want to please everyone and let them know that I’m doing my best for them. But this then puts me into a cycle of trying to please everyone else and not doing enough for myself. I’ve recently realized that I don’t take time for myself because I don’t want to disappoint the people who are relying on me. So in the past few days I’ve taken time to figure out what makes me feel good about myself and how I can implement these activities into my life. So far it has been working and I feel better about my mental and physical state. When I look at the bigger picture, the “small stuff” does not even matter in the grand scheme of taking of my own needs.
Ch. 2-How does your ego distract you?
I don’t feel that my “ego” distracts me from what I should be focusing on in my life. I feel like ego has a negative connotation so I’m going to use the word persona to describe how I distract myself. Sometimes I put up a facade that I have everything together but there are times where I feel like I can’t even focus because there’s just too much going on in my life. I’m a type 3 enneagram and that is “The Achiever” which I think describes me pretty well. It’s common for type 3s to fill their schedules up and to be so busy, because that’s what makes us feel good about ourselves. I use my personality of wanting to be the best at everything as a distraction for why I don’t want to slow down and just take a break because I need it.
Ch. 3-Let go of the idea that gentle, relaxed people can't be superachievers
These past few years I’ve been realizing that perfection is unattainable, which is hard to accept because being perfect has always been my goal in every aspect of my life. So when I’ve been striving for perfection my whole life, I just feel dissatisfied. And then that dissatisfaction makes me feel burnt out, because I ask myself,”What’s the point of this if I’m not perfect at it?” That question has been so damaging to my self esteem. Now that I’m older I can see the beauty of growth and I can better appreciate my efforts that have gotten me to where I am today.
Ch. 4-Be aware of the snowball effect of your thinking
Your own mindset, and how you think of yourself and your abilities affects the outcomes of everything in your life. It is known that as humans, we are our own worst critic. So when it comes to criticizing ourselves there are so many thoughts that lead to us degrading ourselves. For example, during my sophomore year there was a period of time where I had so much going on all at once and it was a struggle for me to keep up with everything. So there was this one night where I was doing my math homework and studying for my math test, but I just did not understand what I was doing. So I started thinking that I was going to fail my math test, then that led to me thinking that I was going to fail Math II, this then led to me thinking that I wasn’t going to get into a good college if I had to retake a math class. But my thoughts just developed and snowballed into a huge breakdown of me crying. I eventually got over this and had to find a new way of studying math and being willing to ask for help when I need it.
Ch. 5-Develop your compassion
I would say that I’m a compassionate person because I care for the well being of others. I want what’s best for everyone because every person deserves to be well-off and be happy in life. But there are people in this world who only have their own best interest at heart, which is truly scary and unfortunate. People who have no ability to feel for others and only think about how they can benefit themselves should not be leaders in this world, but unfortunately they are. It does not cost anything to be a good person and simply just care for the well being of others.
Ch. 6-Remind yourself that when you die your 'In basket' won't be empty
There are so many to-do lists and burdens that humans deal with every day. These stress us out and there is always going to be something for us to do and deal with next. So even after we die, our to-do lists and burdens are just going to be moved on for someone else to deal with. So it’s important for us to be able to take a break from our lists, because they are always going to be there. But there are moments and opportunities that we can’t always get back, so we need be conscious that moments are so much more valuable than getting a task done. This is something that I need to remind myself of too because I love having lists and checking everything off because it means that I accomplished something. But there are times where I use my to-do list as an excuse for why I can’t do something with my friends or family. Nothing is ever guaranteed in life so I’ve been learning to take every chance I get to be with my family and my friends.
Ch. 7-Do you believe you are a strong listener or could use some work?
I feel that I’m a pretty good listener. Depending on who I’m talking to or who I’m around I could be fairly quiet, but if I’m comfortable I’m pretty outgoing. I like just listening and observing because I like being able to form my own opinions in my head about certain things. But for example, if one of my friends is telling me a story I’m always engaged and listening to them, and making sure that I’m acknowledging what they are saying because I would want that same thing from them. But there are some times when I catch myself starting to talk about myself too much and trying to one-up people or put my own thoughts in. I don’t do that very often because I’m conscious about what is happening around me.
Ch. 8-Recall a time you have given, did expect acknowledgement?
A time I have given was at the dance studio during COVID, I grabbed a clorox wipe and I wiped down all of the barres when we were done using them. During a normal dance season, we wouldn’t usually clean the barres after every use. But I knew that it should be done and I wanted to be proactive about it. My teacher never asked me to wipe down the barres I just felt like I was expected to do that for the good of everyone else. I didn’t really expect acknowledgement because I knew it needed to be done. But I was acknowledged and thanked for it which felt good but I know that I shouldn’t do things just for the approval and validation from others.
Ch. 9-Have you experienced someone ‘stomping’ on your story (glory)? How did it make you feel?
Yes, I’m sure that I have experienced someone stomping on my glory. I can’t think of a specific example because if I can’t even remember anything specific, it’s not that big of a deal. I’m sure it made me feel annoyed in the moment while it was happening because I’m someone who likes recognition so I was probably feeling annoyed that they were trying to one-up me. But I think that most times when we feel like someone is stomping on our glory, they probably have good intentions and don’t really mean to make it about them self. But this is something that we can all learn from; that we should be conscious about really listening to someone else and celebrating their accomplishments.
Ch. 10-What are some ways that you work to stay in the present moment?
I work to stay in the present moment by reminding myself of everything I have in that moment. Recently I’ve been being more conscious about what I have in life and that I should consciously appreciate everything that I have. I know that in just a few years I will not be living the same life I am right now, and there might be things that I take for granted right now and may miss later. I’m not going to have my own room forever. I’m not going to have the comfort of coming home and having food already made for me. I’m not going to have the luxury of going to dance and taking classes every day. So I try to think about how I feel in these certain moments and appreciate that I am fortunate enough to have so many of these things that I may have not realized before.
Ch. 11-Think of a time when you were frustrated, now look at it as a moment of being taught...what did you learn?
A time I was frustrated was a few months ago when everything was shut down and I was unable to take my driver’s test right after my birthday. I was so upset because I was looking forward to getting my license when I turned 16 and at that time I didn’t even have a make up date for my test. Even though I was frustrated and upset, it gave me a lot more time to practice driving which I think was very helpful. I’m actually glad that I had a few extra months to practice because at the time of the shutdown, I really don’t think that I was ready enough to drive. So this taught me that even if something does not happen right away, it might just be better to have to wait a little longer for a better outcome.
Ch. 12-Challenge: The next time you are in a discussion/argument, let the other person be right and take notice on the initial feeling that transpires
I think it’s important to have healthy discussions and debates because it allows us to see other perspectives that we may have never thought about, before. But we should also make it a point not be complacent and we should fight for what we believe in. Over the past weekend I went to Pismo with my friends that I have known since I was two years old. I’ve grown up with these girls and they have always been some of my best friends. But we all have different political views based on the way we grew up and our surroundings. So we’ve never actually talked about politics because I think they subconsciously know that I don’t have the same views as them so they wouldn’t want to make things uncomfortable. Since the election just happened there were a few comments made about how it was “rigged” and as much as I wanted to step in and correct and educate them, I stayed quiet. I knew that if I tried to get involved then things would become awkward and I wouldn’t want that to ruin our whole trip. So the initial feeling that transpired was anger, but then it really didn’t matter because nothing I could’ve said would’ve changed their views. So at least I did not make things awkward :)
Ch. 13-Do you ever have a reflective moment when you realize you are so very small in this vast world and really your ‘drama’ isn’t that big a deal?
Yes, I’ve had this moment several times over the past few months after all of the chaos in this world. In April when this whole lockdown was still new to us I was so upset at the world and that everything I loved and was looking forward to was taken away from me. I cried because I wasn’t going to get my drivers license on my 16th birthday, I wasn’t going to get a 16th birthday party, all my dance competitions were cancelled. It was just so much taken away so fast. But then I realized that I also had so much to be thankful for. I told myself that I still had my family while other people were losing family members. I was still healthy and able bodied, while others were not. So it was just a relfective moment of being grateful for everything I still had. The things I lost at that time are not once in a lifetime opportunities. Sure I’m only going to turn 16 once but that will probably be one of my most memorable birthdays. I still have a whole other year of dance competitions. While being upset that I wasn’t able to do certain things anymore I am still grateful for everything I still have.
Ch. 14-Do you have a ‘Mantra’, a statement that you make to yourself daily or weekly?
I don’t have a statement to myself that I make daily or weekly just because I’ve never really thought about it, or had a need to do this. But I’ve been seeing things on TikTok about affirmations and statements to tell yourself so then you will become more spiritual and self-assured. I have started to do affirmations that will help my manifestations come true. So actually yes, I have made statements to myself daily that I wanted to come true. When I was auditioning for the opportunity to travel with a dance convention, I told myself every day that I was worthy enough, that I was good enough to make it into the company. And it worked. I told myself this so much that I started to believe it and it made me believe in myself.
Ch. 15-Have you lost a relationship because something “small” created a “big” divide?
I’ve never lost a relationship because something “small” created a “big” divide. Which I’m very thankful for because I’ve pretty much had the same friends and known the same people my whole life. There hasn’t ever been anything small or big enough to create a divide in any of my friendships. The only thing that causes some sort of divide is politics. I know where all of my friends stand on political issues because I observe things like that so I make sure that I won’t cause any conflict. But I’ve never had political conversations with my friends who think differently than me because I know that it would create some tension. And as much as I feel like politics impact our lives, I never say anything about it to my friends because I’ve grown up with these people and wouldn’t want to risk our friendship due to a difference of opinion.
Ch. 16-What do you hope to do a year from now?
A year from now I hope that I’m happy where I’m at in life. I’m good with where I’m at right now but there’s always a longing for something to be different and for a change. In a year I’ll be a senior in high school which is insanely scary and weird. I hope that I’m not too stressed about colleges because I know that wherever I end up applying and getting accepted to, is where I’m supposed to be. I don’t really have any expectations for a year from now because we can’t even really plan for a day in advance right now but I hope things are somewhat back to normal in a year.
Ch. 17-Is life meant to be fair? What does that even mean?
I think life is meant to be fair, but I don’t even know what the guidelines of “fair” are. Of course everyone should have equal opportunities to make the best out of their life but obviously there are things that hinder us from being a fair world. I think that our society has been trained that we are only working for our own benefit and it’s ok to push others down to get where you want to go. This is where the criteria of “fair” is kind of blurry because we all want to be the best versions of ourselves, but how do we achieve that when everyone is competing to be the most successful or trying to climb to the top? So actually I don’t think life is meant to be fair because we have to work for what we want and that’s how our world progresses and creates change.
Ch. 18-Do you take the time to be bored?
I don’t think I take the time to be bored because that “wasted time” just feels pointless sometimes. Although being bored allows us to recharge, and reflect it’s hard now because there is always something to do. There’s always enough time to scroll through social media, but that isn’t really being bored because we’re being stimulated by social media. But the other day I did take time to be bored and just sat in my hot tub by myself and let my muscles relax and I felt a lot better after being bored and allowing myself to just relax and take a break from everything.
Ch. 19-Have you been taught to believe that high stress is a positive thing?
I have definitely been taught that high stress is a positive thing because it symbolizes that you’re always doing something to better yourself or to work on. But as we know, having too much stress takes a toll on our mental health. It feels like stress has become a competition about who is the most stressed all the time and I think that’s just because of the competitive nature of our society. Of course we always need a little bit of stress because that’s what motivates us but as teenagers we take on so much because that’s what we are taught to do and then we aren’t able to put that energy into everything equally.
Ch. 20-When is the last time you sat down and wrote a letter to someone with gratitude?
I think the last time I sat down and wrote a letter of gratitude was around October when we had to write a letter while we were preparing for the gratitude unit, before Thanksgiving. I’ve done that activity where I am asked to write a letter to someone that I’m thankful for and who has impacted me and I’ve done a different person every year. Which I’m so thankful to have multiple people to write to every year. But the last time I voluntarily wrote a letter of gratitude was in April of 2020 and I was thanking all of my friends for coming to my birthday car parade. I hadn’t seen any of those friends for a whole month and I was so grateful that they all came out there for my birthday.
Ch. 21-If you could change anything right now in your life, what would it be?
If I could personally change anything in my life I think I would change how I respond to other people’s emotions. It sounds random and might be something you wouldn’t even think about changing about yourself, but I know that I feel uncomfortable when people express their emotions to me and I don’t know how to respond. When my siblings or friends tell me how their feeling I listen, like I normally would but I don’t know how to respond or if I should even give a response because they might take it the wrong way. I wish I could change this because it just makes me uncomfortable knowing that they feel comfortable and vulnerable to tell me these things but then I don’t know how to let them know that I feel them and am there for them. I feel like it’s awkward to try and empathize with their emotions. If I had the ability to change this about myself I think it would make me a more approachable person too; not that I’m not approachable already but if I was better at empathizing it would allow me to recognize my own feelings too.
Ch. 22-Describe a time or moments in your life when you turn something into an emergency.
I feel like there have been too many times where I’ve turned a small situation into an emergency just because I felt overwhelmed and like the situation had to be solved immediately. I’m trying to think of an example but there are too many to even remember. I now remember during the final few weeks of my junior year I was probably the busiest I had ever been in my life. I was traveling for dance every weekend to a different city or state, I was trying to keep up with my school work, I was trying to maintain a good state of mind, and taking AP exams in the midst of all of this. So since I had been missing so much school there was an essay for AP Language that I didn’t write and my exam was the next day. I had a breakdown and I don’t think the breakdown was as much about the essay as to how I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything I was trying to keep up with. But I used the essay as a scapegoat for my emotions and I made it an emergency because I was so stressed about everything and I was crying to my parents that I had to write the essay but I was exhausted while my exam was tomorrow. In the end, the essay was never collected for anyone so it didn’t matter if I did it or not. But I was just feeling so burnt out that I created and emergency for myself to let all of my feelings spill out.
Ch. 23-“It puts our quieter, softer, and sometimes most intelligent source of thinking to work for us on issues that we have no immediate answer for.”
I think that this quote is really applicable to me, my peers, and just our society in general. I think that we just get so used to the rush of life and everything always being so fast paced. It’s easy and comfortable to just “put things on the back burner” because it’s the easiest way out of truly dealing with our problems. This isn’t just in terms of procrastinating things, but of dealing with the big problems that we experience in life. I don’t think that I put important issues on the back burner, but that’s also because I don’t really have real issues to deal with in the first place. I think when I put things on the back burner it’s mainly just things that I know I have to get done, but just can’t do at the moment. But then that mentality leads me to just piling up on to-do’s because I justify it as I just need a break from everything. My life is so fast-paced and I have to wear many hats; I love everything I’m involved in but recently I’ve had to think about all that I do, and if it’s really worth it? I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that everything I do consequently affects every aspect of my life and if it gets to be too much, I get overwhelmed and either have too much on the back burner or have just gotten so consumed with everything else that I’ve neglected my tasks.
Ch. 24-Who is one person you would thank in this moment and why?
There are so many people in my life who I am deeply grateful for since I’ve been influenced by so many mentors and friends who have helped guide me through my life. But in this moment someone I am thankful for is my dance teacher Tamie. I have known Tamie since I was two years old and she has been one of the most influential people in my life, helping instill confidence in myself, and being one of the most constant people throughout my life. Tamie has always been so accommodating and flexible with me because she knows how much I’m involved in, and how much I truly want to be at dance. Generally, she is not an accommodating person and she likes to stick to her rules and standards, but she has always been willing to work with me in whatever I need to do. Her teaching and friendship throughout the past fifteen years has allowed me to grow as a person and dancer, and my passion for dance allows her to see how much I love it.
Ch. 25-When you read this chapter, regarding eye contact & connection, what are your initial thoughts?
After reading this chapter about eye contact and connection it forced me to think about my own mannerisms and how I present myself with my eyes. Over the past few months I’ve noticed that I walk with my head down and look at the ground, which isn’t intentional but it’s just something I observed. But the chapter stated that you will rarely see someone who is perfectly at peace with themself walking with their head down. Now I wouldn’t say I’m perfectly at peace with myself because there’s always room for improvement but I don’t walk with my head down because I’m unsure of myself. Since reading this chapter I’ve been more conscious of how I present myself with my body language and eyes because it’s very telling and I should present myself as how I want people to see me.
Ch. 26-When do you find a quiet moment in your day, every day, just to be present and quiet? Do you? Or perhaps you don’t?
It’s hard for me to find a moment to just be present and quiet, because like we talked about in class, I always have to be stimulated like the rest of the general population. I don’t know why I always have to be stimulated but it may be because I’m always doing something and I always have to be planning ahead. So when I have a chance to just be by myself without any distractions, I still choose to be stimulated in some way by listening to music or watching something on my phone. For example, when I’m getting ready for bed at 12AM every day I have to have music on in the background because if I don’t then it feels too quiet and too still. This is probably an issue but I just need something else going on at all times, in addition to whatever else I’m doing. But there are moments where I can halfway relax like when I’m driving. Of course I have to be alert and aware when I’m driving but I’m able to just sit, think, and listen to music by myself.
Ch. 27-Describe a time when you have been frustrated with someone, but you “let-go” of the situation and moved forward with your life. How did that make you feel?
A recent time I’ve been frustrated with someone was just a few days ago when I was frustrated that my brother was being so lazy. For context, we were dog sitting for one of our teachers and I was doing most of the work taking care of the dogs. My brother wanted to take the easy way out by just feeding the dogs and letting them in and out of the house a few times a day, instead of playing with them and giving them attention because their family was away. So I had to do a lot of the work while he sat on the couch on his phone. It was very frustrating because I wanted to sit on the couch and be able to do nothing, but someone had to be the responsible one and do the work that we were being paid to do. I was frustrated and relayed that to him, in which he snapped back but I just decided to let it go. There wasn’t anything I could do to make him be more motivated. At this time he was dealing with issues with friends that I didn’t know about, so looking back at it now I can understand why he was feeling unmotivated and snapped back at me. Letting go of my frustration with him allowed me to be more understanding of what he was dealing with after I had been given the full context of why he wasn’t putting in more effort.
Ch. 28-Describe a situation where you didn't seek to understand first
A situation where I didn’t seek to understand first was during the end of the first semester when I had a little breakdown in front of the class, thinking that everyone hated me and I was terrible at my job! I jumped to that conclusion very fast and initially didn’t take the time to think about all of the factors that were affecting other people at that time as well. I just wanted to solve the problem as quickly as possible to move past that conflict, but I think it was good that we were kinda able to mediate in that uncomfortableness for a few days. I didn’t take into account that everyone was just mentally and physically exhausted at that point in the semester and it just felt like there was pent up energy that nobody had released. And I recognize my fault in that I didn’t try to understand where that energy was coming initially and I just started crying in front of the class. There was resolution at the end because we all had a discussion about the expectations and attitudes in the class and we were trying to understand where everyone was coming from in order to best fix the situation.
Ch. 29-Who is someone you can genuinely talk to, and know they will listen?
Someone I can genuinely talk to is Miss Aves, and I know she will listen to me. I think the best part about our friendship is that we can bounce ideas and frustrations off each other and she’s just a person that I can naturally talk to. We relate to each other on so many different levels, and I’m glad to know I have such a good friend that actually values me for who I am. I’ve found throughout high school that many people will use you for who you are, and don’t necessarily care about your friendship but it’s even more rewarding when you truly find people that you relate to. I could say this about any of the seniors in leadership because we’re all just great friends that wholeheartedly care about each other and what each other is going through.
Ch. 30-Describe a time when you lost your SHHH and in reality wasn't worth your energy?
A time I lost my SHHHH was last May when I was traveling for dance every weekend in the midst of all my AP exams and preparing for the end of the school year. I literally felt lost for those last few weeks of school because I had so much going on all at once and I just felt burnt out. In reality, the time I spent crying and stressing wasn’t worth the energy because the assignments I had missed were just for practice and didn’t affect my overall grade. After I realized I didn’t need those small assignments I was able to focus on the things that really mattered at that point which was my AP exams. If I didn’t sweat the small stuff I probably would have been able to put more energy and effort into my exams and my finals which might have helped me in the long run but there’s nothing I can do about it now.
Ch. 31-Explain a time when you were in a bad mood and it shaped your day and vice versa
A time I was in a bad mood and that mood shaped my day was a few weeks ago when I went to Santa Clara for my dance convention for about two hours. I was in a bad mood because I didn’t really want to be there in the first place because I thought it was pointless for me to be there at that point of the day. It shaped my day because I didn’t really get to enjoy my last ever dance convention but in the end I still did well that day and don’t regret going to the convention for just those few hours. A time I was in a great mood was during Thanksgiving break this past year. It was just a really fun and relaxing time for me and that feeling allowed me to carry on that holiday spirit throughout the rest of the year.
Ch. 32-As an experiment, see if you can apply this idea to something you are forced to deal with right now. Explain your emotions and logic behind this situation. Can you rise above it?
Something I’m forced to deal with right now is making a decision about where I’m going to college, and it’s really scary. The decision that I’m making in the next few weeks is life altering and it will change my whole life path depending on where I go to school. I feel as if my emotions are pretty stable in this situation and I’m not making any irrational decisions or sweeping generalizations about a specific school. There are pros to both schools I’d be attending and it’s so hard to make a decision because there are so many factors that play into the process of accepting admission to a school. Not only is there an emotional aspect of deciding but there’s also a logistical aspect because each decision will impact my life in a different way. I can rise above the fears of this decision because I know I’m making the right choice to go to either school, and I really can’t go wrong in choosing where I want to go.
Ch. 33-You will not please everyone...how does this statement sit with you and why do we tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive?
I know that it’s unrealistic to be able to please everyone, and it’s not beneficial to ourselves to even try to please everyone. When we become people pleasers, we aren’t doing what’s best for ourselves and are only creating an unhealthy cycle of pushing off our own needs. I’ve found that I wouldn’t exactly call myself a people pleaser just because I don’t look for the approval of others socially, but I do know that it’s important to serve others as well. I think we tend to focus on the negative instead of the positive because it affects us more and it’s easier to remember something that had a negative impact because it alters our perspective.
Ch. 34-Describe a time when you complete RAK and how did it make you feel?
Since I’ve been dancing for so long, I’ve created some of the best friendships. Throughout this past dance season it seems that I’ve had a dance competition near a holiday or special occasion. So whenever we’ve been at a dance competition over the past few months, my mom and I created little baskets for my friends and their moms, relating to the close holiday. Over the past weekend we made little easter baskets and took them to their hotel rooms. It’s something really simple that we do, but it’s a lot of fun. It makes me feel fulfilled knowing that my friends appreciate the little gifts they’ve gotten. It really is something super simple but it has given us fun memories and little traditions that we can continue. .